Its late, and I don't have the energy to talk much about it yet... but I found out on May 7 during my first midwife appointment that I had blighted ovum. Apparently, that was the more accurate term for what I had back in December as well. Its all semantics really... I guess it doesn't matter what its called. From what the midwife said, a missed miscarriage is when there is a visible beginning of the embryo in the sac but growth stopped and there is no heartbeat. A blighted ovum is basically the same thing, only it is when growth stops prior to a visible beginning of the embryo in the sac. Well, I had the sac, but no embryo. Honestly... What difference does it possibly make? It sucks, no matter what you call it!
I've started a prescription to bring on the bleed... again. I've had so much blood taken out of me in the last week, I can't be sure that I have any left. At least I'm being tested for a variety of things now. I don't have the time or the energy to type them all out just yet... But, I'm sure I'll get around to it soon.
Last time this happened... I took it very well. This time... Not so much! I feel like my heart has been shattered into a million little pieces. So, I'm trying to find all those pieces, dust them off, glue them back together, and find the will to try again.
Maybe my tests will give me answers... hope... peace. I only have a tiny sliver of hope so far. I'm Vitamin D deficient. There can be bad things related to that... I'm hoping its a big part of the problem. I guess I'll know more soon though.
I really, really wanted to be able to update this last Friday with a gorgeous U/S pic of happy, bouncing baby... but instead, I have to post this.
I feel like everyone I know is let down by me. I had to tell my entire family that I was a 2nd time loser. I could hear the pain in their voices... but they tried to be strong for me! And, I found out 2 days before Mother's Day! What a crock of shit is that? Timing couldn't have been worse if I'd tried. *cry*
Anyway... I'm off to bed. I guess there will be charts to stalk and all that fun stuff on here soon.
♥ Megg
I'm SO sorry Megg. I know I already wrote to you on BNB, but my heart is just broken for you. Please let me know if you need anything, seriously. You are such a great person, so caring and kind to others. I feel as though you just don't deserve this. I wish I could take all the pain away for you, I really do. Hugs!!!
ReplyDelete~sincerevon
Thanks, sweetie! *hugs* I really appreciate it! I hope all is well with you and your little beanie! :)
ReplyDeleteHi sweets - I just got back to reading your blog - I haven't been here for a while because I didn't know what to say (again), and I felt so sad for you, I didn't think anything I did say would have been much comfort.
ReplyDeleteI am keeping everything crossed that you get pregnant again really quickly - you sooooo deserve it.
Huge *hugs* for a quick and successful cycle.
Mwah