Opinions, Shopping, and School...

Lots to update today! Another poll to post too! So... let's get started!

Where to go first? Let's go with the poll! The answers are about the following picture! I'll tell you what the picture is in a second! LOL

The photo (click for HUGE) is 5 choices of hardware for my nursery furniture! Yes, I intend to change all the hardware to make it prettier! I majored in interior design for chrissake! Let's move on! Anyway... These are the top 5 choices for hardware replacements. My colors... They're the colors aqua, celery, chocolate, and cream! Here's a picture of 3 storage tubs that happened to be the right colors setting next to each other.

Okay... With that in mind... This is one of the two pieces of furniture that would have the knobs on it. The other is a dresser in the same color.

Yes, I know its meant to go in a bathroom! I don't really care though! I want it in my nursery! :)

Anyway, the knobs are marked 1-5. The poll reflects this! I will leave voting open for a week! Please, please vote! If you need to add anything more than a simple vote, do so in the comments! I appreciate it!

Now for the shopping! YAY! My favorite part! I bought more stuff! Who's shocked? Show of hands! No one? Damn!

I have no self-control! They were all like $6/each! The bunny octopus are 6mo. The peas and cutie are 9mo. They're PJ's! You can't have too many pairs of baby PJ's!

I'm super happy to announce that my bottles showed up today! Woohoo!!!

I don't know why one box is made different! I guess one is from before the design change and the other 2 from after! I couldn't care less! The bottles seem to be identical! So, I'm happy!

Then... School! I looked through the culinary courses, and the only ones I really want to take are "Professional Cooking" (which is a basics course that you must have to take others), "Baking," "Fish, Meat, and Poultry," and "Sauces." So, I think I'm going to take 2 at time. They're 1st 8 weeks and 2nd 8 weeks courses... So, I can have all of them done before our little Geek-Bud arrives! YAY! Of course, I'm still apt to change my mind! LOL But, we'll see! That's the plan for now!

Yesterday was bad for me. Lots of things came up to the surface that I didn't want. But, I'm working through them. I've blubbered about it everywhere else, but I'll just put the short version here! Basically, I have trouble even believing that my MMC happened because I never even saw a heartbeat. It was just a little circle on a screen. I mean, I KNOW it happened... but it never quite seemed real. Then, once I accept that it's real... Then I realize that I spent over a month walking around happily "pregnant" when it was all over already and I didn't know. So, you add that to the fact that I feel similarly now to how I felt then... and it adds up to me doubting everything all the time. I don't know how to trust my body! Granted, I did feel like something wasn't right last time before the eventual scan... But, I feel like that some days now too. The only difference is that the feeling seems to come and go this time, and last time it stuck around! But, I worry every time I feel that way that it won't go! And, how do I know that anything "positive" that I feel isn't just my body being cruel and playing another joke on me? How do I not feel like a big faker who just created symptoms after my baby was gone last time? I feel like I lied to myself without meaning to! So, how do I escape from that when it hits? Well, I don't! I mean... I feel it, and then I have to move on! I was VERY low yesterday. But, I know that overly emotional (including depression) can be very characteristic of pregnancy. So, I'm trying to take it as a good sign that my hormones are just freaking out!

Today... I've been good today! Every time I have a negative thought, I buy something for the baby/nursery! It makes it seem more real for me, and its my way of apologizing to my child for losing faith! Its expensive, but it makes me smile! I think it will cost me a lot less when I can feel him/her moving! :D But, until then... bye-bye $$$! Haha!

I guess that's it for now! I appreciate the help with the poll! Love you all! I wouldn't survive without you!

One last thing! If you read this... Sam... Thanks for listening today! You made me feel a lot better! With everything you have going on, I really appreciate that you took the time out to check on me! You're an amazing woman, and I'm very lucky to know you! *hugs*

Love, Megg xx

I bought...

The RED diaper bag! I actually love it now that I have it! Picture time!

Here's hoping the descriptions are readable! Click for HUGE if they aren't!

Anyway... I really, really love it now that I've gotten to play with it! And, I'm perfectly happy with the color. I didn't think I would be! But I am! So, YAY!

Now on to other stuff! So, it might seem like I'm jumping the gun on purchasing with my 8% ticker over there to the right... but I have my reasons. Not many people get this side of my life... but here it is.

So, I VERY unexpectedly lost my job on Dec 11, 2008. It was a great job! I loved it. I was one of many, many people who were "permanently laid off"... Merry Christmas! :(

Anyway, I've been on unemployment since then, because there are no jobs here that pay anywhere near what I was making. In fact, I can't easily get a minimum wage job working nights and weekends and make even as much as I make on unemployment. Regardless... That's not the point.

My base unemployment ran out months ago. Like... December or before! But, because the unemployment rate is such crap in the U.S., there have been extensions issued. I've been on extensions for a little while now... They're given out a couple of months at a time. But, you don't know until one is over if there's another coming. So, I know that any day now I could lose $1050/month. That's a lot! Not as much as I lost when I lost my job in '08... but still a lot!

So, if I seem like I'm jumping the gun with buying at 5.5 weeks pregnant... I *know* that the money won't be there to do some of this stuff later. We can easily afford to raise a child. But, I can't afford to go out and buy a $70 diaper bag or a $250 crib when I don't have that money coming in. In fact, I can't even leave big stuff for the baby registry, because I can't take a chance on not getting some of the stuff and then not being able to afford it when I'm out of time. So, I have to buy my crib, changing table, dresser, Pack and Play, pram, etc... I need to be doing that NOW! I don't have the luxury to wait... because I need to be responsible for when my child does get here!

Anyway, that ways on my mind a lot. I know it seems crazy to buy so much stuff so quickly. But I can afford to put out $1000/month on baby stuff right now without hindering our lifestyle. I can't do that... at some point... and I don't even know when that point is! But, I won't be going back to work now for sure. So, I do know the future, and I'm trying to prepare for it!

Speaking of which... I'm considering going back to school to prolong my unemployment. But, pregnancy + school = ??? Disaster? Success? Not sure! :/

Until next time...

♥Megg

Super Quick...

Opinions Needed!

Cocoa Oval (available immediately in a store)

Blue Vines (available through the internet)

Which do I want? If the bottom one was brown instead of navy blue, there would be no discussion. If the top one didn't have orange on it, there would also be no discussion! But, that's not the case, and J.J. Cole isn't going to make one just for me! LOL I lean slightly toward the bottom one, but also lean slightly towards "I DON'T LIKE TO WAIT!!!" So, I have to have help here! Poll to the right! Please answer! More specific advice can be added as a comment!

2 Days in 1 Post!

Sorry about last night! I was out most of the evening, and then too tired when I got home to bother with posting! There will be more about where I was and what I was doing in my "other" blog! It was entirely un-pregnancy/baby related!

So, I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday (internally) because I wasn't "feeling" pregnant. Then at about 6 o'clock... maybe later... my left boobs started throbbing and made me feel a load better! Haha! Funny how pains makes us more comfortable some days!

This week is very scary for me. Last time, growth stopped this week. Of course, I was experiencing heavy spotting/light bleeding (despite my progesterone cream) at this time too. In fact, the last pregnancy had more or less ended as of now... I just didn't know it. Unfortunately, I don't know what I was feeling then. I don't remember! And, my journal... Well, I don't think it exists at all anymore! In fact, I know it doesn't. *shrug* So, I can't look back and see how I was feeling. It sucks, but whatever!

Today... I've had some twinges off and on all day. That helps! My hips are killing me from walking around for a bit. So, that's a good sign, I guess! Of course, I have new purchases too! LOL I can't seem to help myself!

I should really be holding out and buying the bigger stuff... but this stuff is so hard to pass up! LOL And, I'm very willing to put a girl or boy in all the stuff I've gotten. I do have one more outfit and another bib that I haven't posted... but I can't be bothered to get them out and take the pic right now! Ha! So lazy!

I've been exhausted today! Eating like a horse! Gassy! Lots of unpleasantness that I gladly welcome! The twinges are so welcome though! And, I get the slightest little bit of nausea or at least tummy unease here and there. Its like... I don't need to vomit but I might feel better if I did! LOL But, it comes and goes pretty quickly! Eating too much seems to have that effect. I don't feel "full" anymore... but I do feel queasy! I guess that's my new queue to stop eating!

I also picked (sort of) a diaper bag. I haven't purchased it yet, because there were only 2 available in my stores and one wasn't made the way I wanted, while the other wasn't colors that I liked. But, its a J.J. Cole system! Its this: http://jjcolecollections.com/system-180

Anyway... I totally love it, but the one that I like the color isn't the System 180 model (just the System model... and an older version of it from what I can tell... which lacks a bit). The one that is the System 180 model is the brown and red one. I hate red. I really, really hate red! LOL

So, I need to find and buy the whichever one I decide on. I think I'm going to check Amazon for a better price! I don't LOVE $70 for it... but I'll do what I have to! The key was that I found a $400 Coach diaper bag first... So, this one looks like a deal now! HA!

That's about all I have today! Let's hope that things are progressing well in the ol' baby grower... and maybe I'll get to use this stuff one day soon!

By the way... Who wants to come help move furniture and paint my nursery? Hmmm? I'll feed you in return for your efforts! You know you want to! :)

Did I Mention...

How much I love to shop? :D

So, I posted my bottles yesterday! Today, I'm going to show off some of my other purchases. Some of you might have seen a couple of them already... but others just followed me home today!

The left image is the most adorable little outfit that I got a few days ago. The legs can re-snap into a gown too, which I love! The giraffe face is a bib, actually! :) The right image is a blanket that says "PEACE" in a celery green with a chocolate brown peace sign above it! It's VERY me! Plus, my colors are aqua, celery, chocolate and cream! :) The thing above the blanket is a bib, obviously! The blue on it is close to my aqua! YAY! I got those with the outfit at Target on Monday... I think?

These are from last night! I had to walk past the baby section of Walmart twice... TWICE! I did okay the first time... but the second? EPIC FAIL (or WIN)!!! They're 0-6mo puppy dog slippers! They'll help keep my puppy dog from licking the baby's toes! HAHA!

And, these followed me home just today! I had some $5 off coupons from Cracker Barrel (because we eat there way too much) and they expire on Mar 31! Well, I couldn't let that happen, now could I? So, I went to see what I could find. I left with a sock monkey and a chick face onesie! LOL I know that its hard to know what size a baby will be at a given time of the year. And, I have no idea if my child will be in a 6mo size near Easter 2011. But, I bet I put him/her in it whenever it fits at some point! LOL I don't care if I have to put long sleeves under it and long pants over it... my baby WILL wear that chick face! HAHA! I LOVE IT! And, sock monkey... Its a SOCK MONKEY! Duh! I ♥ Sock Monkey!

Boobs are still achy and (reported by Kevin) larger and fuller with expanding, darker areolas... I'm exhausted mostly all the time... And, other than the twinges/cramps, I don't notice much of anything different. Well... Okay... I smell things that don't exist! But, other than that! LOL

I don't have much that's very exciting! I'm just taking it a day at a time! I've really enjoyed giving up temping! That was empowering! I thought it would bother me... but it's been 4 days now... and I am VERY happy about it! I'm not worried at all about "oh, it went down" or anything! Less stress is good, right?

Okay... Over and out! I'm headed to bed! I know its early and all, but I can't be bothered to stay awake. I've been tired since 4pm! That was over 8 hours ago! LOL

Love, Megg xx

I Do Love to Shop!

Since the bottles I'm intent on using don't seem to be available in stores anymore, I just bought a double pack of Stage 1, Stage 2, and Stage 3 bottles! I'm guessing it's a decent start! I wouldn't normally buy things like that so early... but I'm afraid they're not going to be around for much longer! So, we do what we have to do in order to get our way, don't we! LOL

I know this is going to sound childish... but they feel like a boob... and it fascinates me! LOL They're the Adiri Natural Nursers... White Stage 1, Blue Stage 2, Orange Stage 3!

If only all baby purchases were so quick and easy! Who wants to buy me a crib and changing table? No one? Oh... :(

Boobs ache more right now than I remember them aching this morning. But sometimes it's hard to keep track of just how unpleasantly sore they are from one moment to the next! I feel a bit short on sleep today! I got about 7.5-8 hours last night... which is a far cry from the 10 I'd have liked. Then, my nap today was only about 1 hour! I prefer 2-3! LOL So, I'm tired... but surviving! Early to bed for me tonight!

Also managed to go buy some new clothes (for me) yesterday... I made sure they were all relatively future-bump friendly though! In fact, 2 of the shirts would be super cute with a bump! Now, if only I can turn this mass of fatty tissue into something more baby-related! HA!

Off to dinner for us, I think! Cracker Barrel! YUM! Then, maybe a movie... if I'm still awake!

♥ Megg

An Introduction!

My name is Megg. My husband is Kevin. We're both 29, and have been working on starting a family (off and on) for a few years. We were delighted in October of last year when I got a positive pregnancy test. But, at my 10 week appointment, all the sonographer found was a gestational sac measuring 5w2d. She thought I should be really happy, because I was trying to get pregnant and the ultrasound showed that I was. She didn't seem to care that I knew things were terribly wrong. But, I got follow-up for the next week and (of course) it showed no new growth. The sonographer was the only one in the room who was surprised. So, I took the pills to get things moving since my body wasn't doing it on its own... and then back to trying!

Cycle Zero (the days following a miscarriage bleed before the first actual period after it) was a HUGE mind-trip! It dragged on and on and on! No sign of my period. No sign of a 2nd line on tests. I knew in my heart that I wasn't pregnant again... but I had to wait and see what would happen. Well, it never showed on its own. So, eventually, I took pills again to bring it on.

I had never been so happy to get my period! And, I went into Cycle One (starting Feb 19) with a VERY positive attitude! I was taking Soy Isoflavones (200mg CD5-9)... and I just knew it would be my cycle! The Soy did its thing. Ovulation came right on time! I felt like it was good and strong based on the very welcomed pain! LOL My temperatures were the best I'd ever seen... mostly! I had a few dips that drove me to near insanity! I just knew I was out a few times... but somewhere inside I had a feeling.

I was having strange dreams, craving milk, had an achy back and hips... all very peculiar! Then I started to get some very familiar feelings in my lower abdomen that I was happy to be feeling! Then, on March 21 (just a few days ago), I got another positive test! It was faint, but definitely there. And, now that its dry... There is NO mistake! :)

I honesty never thought it would happen for me again. I just couldn't be that lucky twice! But, here I am! I'm about 4.5 weeks based on ovulation date... and not a hitch yet! Of course, I can't see what's going on in there... but things feel as if they're going well enough. I have plenty of little twingy feelings... achy boobs... ability to sleep wicked amounts of time! Just hoping my little Soy Bean sticks around this time!

That's about all I have for the moment! There's only so much that can be said at 4w4d pregnant! But, I'm trying to be hopeful... and I don't want to miss a single thing this time!

Until next time!

~Megg