Bad Night...

No particular reason, I guess. Just feeling especially sorry for myself this evening. I was doing well most of the weekend, though. So, I guess an off night is okay. Its just... As much I want to get on with the bleeding... That's really "it," if you know what I mean? Granted, I've gotten quite used to the idea that its all happened again. I really, really have. I'm not even shocked. I was the only one consistently saying that I thought something wasn't right... I had a bad feeling! But, everyone insisted that it was different this time! *buzzer sound* Wrong-O!

I don't know what I'm even saying anymore! Great! Just a really depressing night... following a really depressing week!

Did I have my whine about Tuesday? I don't recall! I don't think I did! This is utterly non-conception related... but its "Fuck! What happened to my sanity?" related! So, there!

Tuesday... Oh, Tuesday! I believe that was the day that I was chasing around my blood test results (the ones that were already in)... but my husband's car also just decided to turn off at a stop light. Earlier, the battery light came on. So, we went immediately and had the battery and alternator checked. We got the "OK" on them... but were told it was likely a loose connection... "Don't worry about it! It should be fine!," says the car guy! Of course, he could have said that there was something wrong and sold us expensive car parts... So, not sure why he went with "Don't worry about it!" But, we take his word. Then about 3 hours later, the stereo clock turns off. Uh oh! I know what that means! Then, the dash lights start to dim! Aww, shit! Then some stuttering while idling... not that I didn't already know what was going to happen! It was a matter of WHERE it would happen! Of course, it happens AT A STOPLIGHT in a not-so-great area! Awesome! I had enough juice to put the hazards on and crack the windows! Its hot here! I call my husband sobbing! He tells me quite accurately that he can't do anything because he's at work! I know that, but its not what I wanted to hear! He says to call a tow truck. I tell him to call the tow truck whilst I try and find someone to get me out of the hell hole I'm stuck in! I call one of my besties, Justin! He's was only about 2 miles away, luckily! I felt awful though, because he doesn't usually see me cry! But, this was different! Plus, I hadn't ever told him about the pregnancy that I'm losing... and I was obviously still upset about that before the car thing. So, I had to tell him why I was so upset. Of course, he asks if I'm sure there's no hope, and I explained that there wasn't any question. He put his arm around me, and I cried on his shoulder while we waited for the tow. He's awesome! (He's also very gay, in case anyone wonders why my husband let's me cry in the arms of another man!)

Anyway, we have to figure out what's wrong with my husband's car (that we hate)! My car needs a wheel bearing replaced, and the shop we went to last time has jacked up their labor costs in a ridiculous way! Last time, the replacement with labor was $160. This time, they're asking $250... and the part didn't change prices... only labor! Why in the hell would I pay them an extra $90 to do the same exact thing? They asked what our labor was charged at last time when Kevin spoke with them, but he didn't know at the time. So, we've found the receipt, and he's going to call to discuss it in the morning. Hopefully they'll make some concession about the fact that its the same job on the same car... so the cost should be similar, if not the same!

Conception-wise, I have nothing to discuss! I can't do anything yet. That's also VERY frustrating! Feeling helpless is not something I'm good at! I like to be in control... and this is very out of control for me right now. I just want to do something... even if its wrong! But, I can't!

Anyway, I need to try to remember to temp in the morning! That's on the list of "important things" for me! Its hard to get back in the swing of it now that its been so long! But, I'm hoping to see the progesterone come back out of my system... I don't like the witch to catch me off guard!

Tomorrow is going to be spent with Justin again... Tuesday, not sure... Wednesday is a girl's day with my friend, Tierney! We're going to see "Letters to Juliet"... lots of tears, I imagine! Even the preview makes me cry! So, I can imagine the movie with be embarrassing sobbing like in "Time Traveler's Wife" and "Bucket List." I should remember to take tissues with me!

I guess I'm over and out for the night. That's enough boo-hoo'ing for me this time!

Hey! Maybe this won't be such a pity-fest one day! I could be happy at some point in the future... maybe!

~Megg